Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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