my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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