Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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