I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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