then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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