i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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