I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
