My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
