once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
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Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
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omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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