I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
