we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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