i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
