you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
