We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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