Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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