I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Actions speak louder than pants.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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