i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
