where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
