my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
