People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
