Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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