I faked an abortion last night.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Two words: blizzard sex
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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