went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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