i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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