The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Randomize
