I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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