I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
