Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
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so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
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Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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