I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Randomize
