I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
