the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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