she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Randomize
