its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
