yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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