Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
