All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
