Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
