i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize