Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Randomize
