I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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