he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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