god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I use my feet as sexual weapons
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
