I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
