I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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