As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
We smell like vodka and hangover
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