dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
