I can't breathe out the right side of my face
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
He did a backflip because drugs
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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