Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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