Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
