I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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