My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
is wine microwaveable?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
