I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
