Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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