I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
