i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
