I wish my penis had an off switch
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
A+ Viking dick
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I party with great urgency now.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
